I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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