i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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