apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I believe in your delicious
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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