thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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