He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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