he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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