so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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