my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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