I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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