so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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