Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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