Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize