My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize