This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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