Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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