first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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