Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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