If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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