tell your sister to shave her snatch
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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