Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize