I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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