Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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