He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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