So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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