I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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