it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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