She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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