it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize