Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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