She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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