My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize