They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize