I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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