The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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