Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize