Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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