Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone owes me an orgasm
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize