My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
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I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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