Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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