being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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