would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize