??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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