and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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