On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize