It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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