gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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