It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
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We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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