So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
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