all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize