I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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